A dream I had, it was the day we were supposed to meet, or another day later on with the same setting.. *crazy swooshy dream sequence effect* ..I was standing in line with a group of people I knew, who they were I don't know, but I know I knew them, it was one of those odd dream feelings where they were blurred generic people that I had assosiation too but couldn't be destinguished, but i digress. So I was standing there just looking around bored waiting to get in, when I saw out of the corner of my eye, something amazing, something I never thought would happen. I wasn't sure cause it was far away, so i looked back at my group briefly and then returned my attention. I began to move forward, and time slowed, my heart was pounding. As I approched I was more and more sure it was.. her. Our combined movements then placed a piller in between us and after having passed behind it, she had changed to a completely different person. I stopped as I saw this then realized it wasn't her. Crushed, I turned back to return to my group, and when I lifted my head she was there. It was her, my angel right there in front of me.

Sadly that is where the dream ended. But now to get into my journal entry. The dream was based at Disney world, and I had that dream because it was a remade memory.. or memory that I should have had. I had the chance to see the one person in the world I would do anything for. I had the chance to be with her, to hold her, and to show her that im worth waiting for.

She was doing something for band and she was comming to Orlando, to Disney. I live 30 minutes from Disney, and had I put forth the effort I could have been there, I could have seen her. But my dumb ass didn't. I passed up the chance to see perfection incarnate.

Like this, there are a lot of things I could have done differently, to show her that I really am in love. I've claimed to love before, i've used the word without care and without meaning, which is foolish of me. The thing about this situation, I cannot explain but I know there is a difference. They way I know is because I constantly tried to push her away, why, I don't know, but i did. It was wrong of me, but regardless she fought it, she always stayed, she never left me. No matter how mean I was she always stayed. It took me a long time to actually say I was in love with her, yea I told her I loved her, but I never said I was in love. And I am...

I had the perfect girl, witty, intelligent, beautiful, fun, agressivly loving, a gamer girl. Everything I have ever wanted this girl is. She is the person I have been looking for for so long. Only problem is, she has someone. She loved me more than I did her, but that is no longer true.

A while back, stupidly, I made a deal with her, because of our physical distance, that if we found someone else near by, we would be happy for each other and let them go. I figured I would find someone soon and not care about her anymore, like put her out of my mind and all. I never should have done that, it was a disaster waiting to happen. She found someone. At first she was still infatuated with me, and considered me more important, but the fell in love with him, and now im no what I was, I've even fallen behind a guy she thinks is cute. It's laughable, she was so in love with me, but now she would rather pursue a guy 6 years older than her and she doesn't know as well than be with me. (and i mean laughable as in I laugh at myself as it hurts)

I never should have made that deal, I should have asked her to be mine, I should have promised myself to her and asked her to do the same. I destroyed a beautiful thing, I put aside someone who means the world.

I still talk to her, not as much tho, she used to come on every day and come right to me. Now it's once in a blue moon I even see her online. I haven't talked to her 2 days in a row in over 3 months.

The only good thing that has come from this is that she knows exactly how I feel now. There is no doubt in her head that I am in love with her. I would give anything to be with her now, and that's the truth. She doesn't know it yet, but im going to sell my World of Warcraft account on Ebay get the money to see her. I lvled two characters to 60, even got one full tier 2 gear, my pride and joy, ive played it since the beta came out, over 2 years of play.. but it doesn't matter as much as her, I'm going to give it up for her.

I love her unconditionaly, she is the one my heart goes out to, and I hope my plan can go through, I want to try and fix everything, and make up for all the mistakes I made.